Saturday, January 18, 2014

You brought WHAT to school?!?!

I’ve encountered all type of parents; stage five clingers, hover crafts, absentee adults, etc. So, I wasn’t, like, totally, shocked when I discovered that one of the parents of my students was, well, a stripper. This was years ago, but it's the kind of story you just can't forget.

I had this adorably sweet and naive kiddo a few years back. His mentality was half of his actual age, he was always day dreaming lessons away, and he just, well, he just didn’t quite understand the world he lived in. So, anyway, this little friend had a mom who stripped for a living. No biggie because she was also totally involved in the life of her child, helping with homework, showing up for conferences, and showing her love for him where ever possible. Honestly, she was pretty much an ideal parent for any teacher to work with.

Anyway, it was the day before winter break, and, let’s be real, we were having a little shindig. Snacking our faces off, playing holiday games, the whole nine yards. That’s when I noticed this one little boy. He was near the front of the room with a group of kiddos. He was touching something to the backs of their necks, causing the children to erupt into a wave of giggles. I was suspicious, to say the least.

I strode across the classroom and isolated him from his giggly posse.

“What are you playing with?”

And that’s when he placed a small object into my heads. A small object also known as a vibrator.

My mouth dropped.

“Do you know what this is?”

“Um…well, it’s my toy. It has different speeds and it’s a lot of fun. It’s actually my mom’s.”

It was apparent that this child had not a clue as to what he had just placed into my hand. The hand that would need to be furiously scrubbed with brillo pads and bleach later on.

“Okay, sweetie, put this in your pocket and do not take it out again and do not speak of it ever again and do not bring it back to school ever ever ever.”

Some might wonder why I didn’t confiscate that vibrator. Can you imagine the parent phone call?!?!?! Heck no. Heck. No.

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